December 29th 2009

And With 2009 coming to and end I , such as many others do, look back upon the year. I'm not one to live with regret, nor do I feel the need to do such , but sometimes I wonder what if things were different. There are always memories I will miss and wish that they didn't have to end, or become just memories. People with whom Ive lost connection, traits I no longer posses and the feeling that I have to be something other than myself to fit in with this new lifestyle of mine. Sometimes I wish that I could go back , to the days where I was responsible , but had no need to be. Other than this constand pressure that I need to be grown up. The fact that I actually need to act on the responsibility I possess. My last year at Seton, not many friends but a few of the greatest people I have ever been blessed to know. I can truly call them friends, and I miss that. High School is amazing , great friendly people , but still I find no true connections made with many of these characters. Sure, they're nice and everything but I've realized I'm not sure If I can place the tittle of good quality friendships on them. As a friend and I were talking about , a lot of these people don't put in effort and I need to find people who want to get to know me , who care more about things than drinking , partying , having a boyfriend , drama and the such. I want real connections. I want real conversations. I want more. Many people have walked in and out of my life. Some i wish who had never entered or who would have left sooner , some who I still feel their absence to this day. I'm not saying I haven't met some amazing people, because I most certainly have. Some people who I know I don't want walking out on me. Some people who I've given my heart to. Some people with whom also want to find true connections. Some people with a sturdy head on their shoulders. Some people who don't mind me for who I am. I've realized I'm growing and not changing, but realizing more of who I am. Spreading my wings so to say, growing into my skin. This does not come without hardship, but I'll keep looking for the positive sides in every situation. I know I can make the best of what I have now , Cherish the memories , make many more and live for the moment as it is now.