May 24th 2010

You know you're a screw up when .. Everyone tells you so. Or blatantly makes you feel that way. Lately I've been feeling rather down, rather defeated as I beat myself up thanks from the strong encouraging words of others telling me that I should be. I've been feeling that I'm a terrible person, one that no one wants around, and that's because that's what everyone is telling me. How everyone's making me feel like. In situations like these, it's hard to force yourself to think otherwise, to say oh, they don't really mean it, maybe they just had a bad day, they're just kidding. It is like pulling at an inner most fear that you aren't wanted. And when I already think that of myself, it is too much when one person close to you, let alone most of the people close to you treat you that way. Honestly I`m done with this. I don`t want to feel like this anymore. I`ve told these people, for the most part, I don`t like how this is going down, because I can`t take much of it anymore and needed be I will separate or hide myself from the situation.
Maybe I`m just being a baby about this. Maybe I`m over acting, maybe it`s stupid that I cry over this. But I do, and it`s because I don`t want this, I can`t take this that much longer, and it`s something that hurts. Truth be told, I`m done crying. I`m done being treated like this.

Anyways. I like this picture. I did not touch my hair with any heating tool , or even brush it, nor did I have any bit of make up on, hence the rather red face, specially my nose, but I still like it.