April 13th 2010

Jennifer is finding it harder and harder to wake up in the mornings, luckily today I didn't have to. Reason? "Doctor's" appointment. By doctor I mean psychologist. I hadn't thought much of it until about twenty minutes before my appointment. I began to stress, what am I supposed to say? What is supposed to happen? In the end, he turned out to be a pretty decent man, not a scary old man who is secretly imagining dirty things in his mind and the whole uncomfortable factor. I wouldn't say I was comfortable talking to him necessarily, a pile of Kleenex ripped to pieces lay on the floor to prove my uncomfortably with the situation. I don't talk to people, I hate telling people what's wrong. Why? I'm not exactly sure, something to do with fear of being seen as stupid, unintelligent, the fact is, I hate opening up to people. I didn't really go in depth about anything talking to him, but still it brought up emotions and made me cry. Damn you tears, but its okay, sometimes bottling things up for such a long time cause the walls to weaken a break with a single push, causing things to pour out. He left me thinking, I suppose, I have often thought about these things before, and I'm not even looking at them in a real life. He just told me things I already knew, I guess confirming things for me. The change is in myself, I know I need to take the risk to be happy, but its that first step that's hard.
I always convince myself and others I am strong, someone they can turn to. I guess sometimes I need someone to turn to. Its only human nature I suppose.